I can list my accomplishments, spout my comforts, show you a photo, tell you of my abilities, and rattle off my work experience. But, none of that tells you who I am. Perhaps, it communicates that I am disciplined, creative, loved, talented, and caring. Or, maybe it just tells you that I am confident.
Instead, I am going to tell you the things I am not supposed to tell you: I am not perfect. I am complex — not because I am a unique snowflake, or because I have as many facets as a diamond — but because I am human. I cannot pour myself into a metaphor. No human can fit into one tiny metaphor.
It is only natural to want to present our most positive attributes, but it is impossible for us to only have positive attributes. Like Yin and Yang, there are bad qualities opposing the good qualities. Without dragging myself through the mud too much, I can say that I have said the wrong thing many times. I have been misinterpreted and misunderstood well into adulthood. Conversely, I have misunderstood and misinterpreted others. I have been both victim and bully. I am often afraid to put myself in social situations with women I don’t know. I made a mess out of my teens and twenties. Alas, no matter how many Anne Rice novels I read, I am no supernatural being. I am just a girl trying to live my life. I cannot carry guilt or shame for the past, or anyone else’s guilt that someone has tried to pile on top of me. I must forgive myself so that I can forgive others.
Maybe the only thing that matters is this: “If you need something, give it away.” I need friendship and harmony. I need empathy and support. I need empowerment. I need people who at least try to see the best in me. I need to be around people who ask questions — who desire a deeper understanding of what is being said to them. I am going to give as much of that away as I can. I hope that it balances out all of the times that I was not my true self, and for all the times in the future when I feel persecuted or unable to forgive. The person I am striving to be is open and honest. She encourages free thought. She wants you to feel empowered, safe, and welcome in The Girls Girl Club.