I’m really good at falling down. I get disoriented really easily. I would never survive a zombie apocalypse. Because I have anxiety. Sometimes I stop hearing things, or I get flooded with adrenaline and I really can’t deal, and it’s usually after someone says something that I take personally.
For instance, when someone tells you exactly who they think you are. They don’t think you’re a very good person. And all the chemicals start flooding. Oh, and they’re wrong. They are totally wrong. You’re pissed off. You’re forgetting to breathe. And they are looking at you… like you’re supposed to understand them. Like you’re supposed to be like “omg… you’re so right, I so only care about myself.”… But, really, you’ve just had a bad couple of months and you’re struggling with just taking care of yourself.
That’s why you’re not shining any light anymore. That’s why you’re not as social. The pounding your head after they say “You need ALL the empathy.” And I’m confused because yes, I do, in this moment. I said I needed people to ask questions when they doubt me. I said that I need people to at least try and see the best in me. I told you I needed support and empathy.
All you get is my flustered and anxious response, my secondary emotion of anger is hard to process when my body is signaling all different directions.
So I guess what I’m saying is I’m sorry for acting crazy while you were treating me like shit.